Castlevania: Requiem for Refurbishment
by Schwarzvald
Summary: The sequel to Prelude to a Prologue. Dracula must redecorate his house and faces the hazards of shopping malls, oddball items, and the fact that he cannot pronounce Ctulhu.


_I do not own Castlevania and such, thank you_

Castlevania

Requiem for Refurbishment

Note: this is a continuation of my first Story "prelude to a prologue" (this means you should read these stories in order)

Dracula was just about ready to begin Castlevania: Symphony of the Night when he realized that his job was only half finished.  He still needed to fix up the castle and furnish it with goodies (items, monsters, and various pointy implements).  With a sigh Dracula made a list of all the things he needed to do.

U Clean rooms

U Buy items

U Buy armaments

U Stock rooms

U Deploy employees

U Have banquet

"Well, better get to work", said Dracula, rolling up his sleeves.  Dracula then ordered his troop of skeleton house cleaners that he had bought from Skeletons R' Us to clean the castle from top to bottom.  Skeletons make for an excellent work force.  They are totally obedient, do not complain, can be formed into different shapes to get into those hard to reach spaces, and don't have any organs so they are not allergic to dust.  Even so, it took them twice as long to clean the castle as it takes to play Castlevania, though when the skeletons finished the castle looked pretty good.

N Clean rooms

U Buy items

U Buy armaments

U Stock rooms

U Deploy employees

U Have banquet

Now it was time to go shopping.  Dracula got into his stylish black carriage with leather seats.  He bid his skeleton driver to take him to the shopping mall.  When Dracula got to the mall it was, of course, packed with no parking.  After about an hour of driving around in circles Dracula found the perfect spot, it was close to the mall and was in the shade.  Suddenly a teenager in a bright red sports car took his spot.  "I will not stand for this!" Dracula roared.  In an instant Dracula summoned one of his minions.  A Ctulhu flew in and landed next to Dracula's carriage.  "Catoohoo, er… Cutuhlhuh, I mean… Cahthulhue, umm… Catchatoola, hmmm… Cock-a-doodle-doo?  No, that's not it… Whatever you are, get rid of that young punk and his obscenely bright vehicle!"

The demon obeyed and tossed the vehicle into the street where it caused a 13 car pile up.  While this was going on Dracula was generously applying sunscreen.  Contrary to popular belief sunlight does not turn a vampire into dust, but because of their pale skin they get sun burned quite easily. 

Once preparations were made, Dracula walked into the mall.  Instantly he was pounced upon by several vendors who spritzed and sprayed him until he smelt like a fish on a bed of lilacs floating in a muddy river in, of course, spring.

"Begone foul vendors of stench!  Or I shall roast your worthless carcasses in hellfire!" said Dracula breaking into a run.  Once he was away from the vendors he checked the mall map to find the location of the stores he was looking for.

You are here à O

"Accursed directory of obvious information!  I know where I am! Where are the stores I want to visit!?!" Dracula shouted at the map.  "Fine, I do not need help from the likes of you!  I will find the store myself!"

After combing the mall for about an hour Dracula finds the first shop he needs to visit.  It is an old Borders book store.  Dracula walks in and heads straight for the counter.  He then talks to the man at the counter who is an old, shifty looking librarian.  The Librarian says "What can I do for you?"  

Dracula replies "I am looking for these things."

The Librarian looks over a list that Dracula hands him.

"Hmmm… hearts, potions of various sorts, orbs, soul of bat and wolf, enough food to feed an army, and various body parts.  Quite a list, but I got all of that stuff."

Dracula then pays him and has him ship it to his abode.

"Heh heh, Thank you!" the Librarian cackles.

N Clean rooms

N Buy items

U Buy armaments

U Stock rooms

U Deploy employees

U Have banquet

Dracula then checks his list for the next shop he needs to visit.

**Ctulhu's**** House of Cutlery and Such**

"@#$%&*", Dracula thought.

 "Excuse me good sir," Dracula says as he stops a passerby. "Can you tell me how to get to Cutolo's House of Cutlery and Such, I mean, Cathaloo's… no, I mean, Cautuhluh's… actually I meant… Cithullabaloo's? Citaroo's? Karasuman's? Caramelon's? Carlton's?"

While Dracula tried to say "Ctulhu" the innocent passerby quickly excused himself.  

Eventually Dracula happened to find Ctulhu's House of Cutlery and Such.  It was one of those stores you see at the mall that says sells kitchen knives and silver ware, but has all these katanas and long swords hanging on the walls.

Dracula approaches the counter and hands a list of swords, armor, and other things he needs to the demon at the register.  While there he also picked up a set of five swords which he dubbed the "M" swords, the Masamune, Muramasa, Munemasa, Masamura, and Murasame.  All five swords have similar names but very different attributes (For instance the Masamune is good while the Muramasa sucks).  Once the order had been filled out Dracula browsed the store briefly and left.

N Clean rooms

N Buy items

N Buy armaments

U Stock rooms

U Deploy employees

U Have banquet

Once the shopping was finished Dracula got into his carriage and went home.  He would have gotten home sooner if some stupid car driver hadn't caused that 13 car pile up.

When Dracula got home he selected a crew of skeletons to help him decorate.  He had to hide something in each candle and every crevice.

"This is kinda like a Easter Egg hunt." Dracula thought. "Except you can kill someone with the candy Alucard is going to find."  

After all the less rare items were distributed, Dracula went on to the good stuff.  He gave his favorite minions cool stuff like Mournblade and Crissaegrim (ooooooooh shivers down the spine) and the ones he did not like got crap.  Just like the skeleton who spilled Dracula's coffee on his lap, he got Red Rust (oooooooooh stomach ache).  Dracula looked at the oddball items left over.  He could use some, but others probably wouldn't work. 

**Items: **Garage Door Opener à Jewel of Open

 Snorkel à Holy Symbol

Platform Shoes à Secret Boots

Sunglasses à Sunglasses

****

**_Items that did not work as well_**

**Weapons:**

ü Dart Gun: a small plastic gun that shoots foam tipped darts so no one will get hurt (not acquirable due to the fact that is does not hurt)

ü Cherry Bombs: small explosives (not acquirable due to overuse by skeleton's in the castle lavatories)

ü Stereo: favored by the "cool" demons, it emits a repetitive sonic blast of "hot rap beatz" that can cause a heart attack and penetrates solid substances such as titanium. (not acquirable due to  language and themes + being just plain offensive)

ü Laptop: a Pentium X used to hack all electronics and make them explode.  (Not acquirable because there are no electronics to blow up)

ü Notebook Paper: generic lined college rule paper used to give enemies nasty paper cuts.  (not acquirable due to the infuriating and annoying effects paper cuts have)

ü Malfunctioning Furby:  a furby with a vocabulary defect.  It spews forth a stream of obscenities that can make even the cruelest demon flinch.  (not acquirable because it was too scary and disturbed the other demons with its habit of activating itself without help)

ü Red Rust: a totally crappy sword that would be a disgrace to wield.  (not acquirable because it sucked so- wait a minute Red Rust is still acquirable!)

**Armor:**

ü Dress: a fine designer dress (not acquirable for multiple reasons…)

ü Cool Pants: the pants the cool people wear (not acquirable because they were too baggy and impede most movement and both hands are needed to hold them up)

ü Ten Gallon Hat: a super large cowboy hat (not acquirable because it did not really hold ten gallons)

ü Cape of the Night: a cape that embodies the night and its majesty (not acquirable because Dracula kept it for himself)

ü Small Metal Shield: a shield that is really the lid to a pot (not acquirable because the cook needed it to cook with)

N Clean rooms

N Buy items

N Buy armaments

N Stock rooms

U Deploy employees

U Have banquet

Next on the list was setting up the troops in their quarters.  According to the laws of games, as you progress the enemies must be that much stronger.  Dracula was very careful at how he placed his monsters.  He made sure the special ones were all by themselves in random and out of the way rooms.  He also made it that creatures that were powerful before were in abundance later.  Finally he made sure that there was a skeleton and armor for every occasion.

N Clean rooms

N Buy items

N Buy armaments

N Stock rooms

N Deploy employees

U Have banquet

Finally Dracula ordered his servants to prepare a feast for all people who worked on Castlevania (this does not include people who worked on the actual game).  Every one came to the banquet and Dracula greeted each one of them.  The Librarian came in and struck up a conversation with the Ferryman.  The conversations went something like "I'll take you to a place which might be interesting for you." "Heh heh, Thank you." The bosses arrived soon after.  Olrox came in and said he'd prefer room service to coming down to dine and the doppelganger arrived in an invisible car without a disguise (he was in his normal form to Dracula's dismay).  Slogra and Gaibon flew in hoping to demonstrate their musical prowess, but Dracula intervened.  Alucard ran in leaving that weird after shadow, Karasuman flew in with a large amount of ravens and other birds that made the rest of the demons uneasy (pigeons and seagulls), and all the other monsters/ apparitions that Dracula employed also floated, stalked, crawled, and walked in, including Ctulhu who Dracula did not greet by name.  Lastly Richter and Death show up, Death giving Richter pointers on how to be evil.  

"You see", Death said to Richter. "It all starts with the look, if you look cool, you're probably evil.  In most things the villain looks the coolest.  An evil laugh or voice helps too."

"Oh…" said Richter. "How about this… Hahahahaha!"

"No, no, no. like this… HAHAHAHA!"

"HAHahAHAHA?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"When you two are finished we can start." Dracula said to Richter and Death.

Dracula then proposed a toast to all the work done and then they ate.

 All manner of food was in abundance, especially pot roast.  It was served in large rocks in which they had to break open to get the food inside.  The guests mingled and chatted, Death and Richter discussed evil policy, Slogra and Gaibon tried to converse with Olrox, and the doppelganger pretended to be other people to amuse/ freak out the guests around him.  The dinner was great and the hour grew late so all the guests retired to the proper place because they were all employed here anyway.

N Clean rooms

N Buy items

N Buy armaments

N Stock rooms

N Deploy employees

N Have banquet

Before Dracula retired he decided to play a trick on Richter.  He snuck into Richter's quarters and placed the Malfunctioning Furby underneath Richter's bed.  Later that night when Richter was asleep he was suddenly awoken by a loud cry

Note: the following text has been censored so as not to offend anyone

"BEEPing Cockadoodledoo hahahahahaha!  Me BEEPing OZZy Osbourne! I am gonna BEEPing BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPing kill you!  You BEEPing BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPing BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPing BEEPing BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPing BEEP… (Continues for most of the night)"

The next morning Richter, haggard and tired, sits at the table with Dracula drinking a cup of coffee.

"So… how did you sleep?" asks Dracula from behind the newspaper.

"Terrible, Ozzy Osbourne was hiding underneath my bed." replied Richter.

Death then came in wearing a black bath robe and sits down to eat breakfast.

"Well, Richter, how is your evil side coming?" asks Death.

"Very well, I experienced pure evil last night as I was trying to sleep." moans Richter. "I was bombarded with a mental barrage that could have shamed Eminem and heard a laugh so evil that it must have come from the very bowels of hell themselves."

"Really?" Death says looking at Richter.  "Do you know what it was?

"Ozzy Osbourne" 

"Oh"

"Well time to be getting to work, preparations and such.  Alucard should be arriving at the front gate soon." Dracula murmurs getting up, then looks at Death and adds, "You should probably change."  The three at the table then get up and go about their preparations.  Dracula makes sure to pick up the Furby, lest it falls into the wrong hands.  He accidentally wakes up the furby which screams: 

It's the BEEPing end

(Until the next story)


End file.
